If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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