we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
