So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
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all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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