This is not my ceiling
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
