I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
