I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
