My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
