good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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