i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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