he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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