I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize