Where is the hickey?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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They have beer where we have blood.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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