How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
