She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
home. puking in laundry basket.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
