there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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