I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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