just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
