If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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