i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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