& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize