I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
