I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
