my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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