Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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