He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
