I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
