Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
