grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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