i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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