AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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