The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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