So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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