ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
