We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
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At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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