Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am spending my child support on dildos
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
