Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
