dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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