there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
