So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
