We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
