Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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