What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
