i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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