I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
