She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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