and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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