I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
