She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
