You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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