I cannot find my penis.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
