what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
