my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
