went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have fence marks all over my body
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
