Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
