I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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