Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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