So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
