If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
