I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
