She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
