Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
