Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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