When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
