a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
