Ambien. No doubt about it.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
