apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
