Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i've created a new STD.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
