dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
