Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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