Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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