I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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