You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
