Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize