Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
