We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
