arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
