Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
