he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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